I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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