Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
