do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
