Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
