just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
