my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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