Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize