he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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