I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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