Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
