I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
