Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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