is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
do nipples grow back?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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