You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
