based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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