i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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