i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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