and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
