so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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