dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
