I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
