Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize