If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
