therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
