the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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