Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My penis needs a shock collar
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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