I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
