Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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