i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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