I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
