wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
