how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
