I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I fill condoms, not promises.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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