You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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