it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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