Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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