Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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