hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
