And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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