We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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