I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
