If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
