Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
