We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize