Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
