seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
