I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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