so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
