so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
