please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
