Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
