I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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