I think my vagina is haunted
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
