There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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