If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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