3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I love you. Go after that dick
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
