Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
