i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
