just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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