I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
