I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i will never coherently bang her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
