The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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