Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
