There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
