I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
