Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
