I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
