My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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