if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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