"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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