what day is it and did you see me today?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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