We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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