i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
