I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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