I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
